Chapter 1: Philly McKoopa Morebucks
Meet Philly McKoopa Morebucks, the smooth-talking, coin-counting, monocle-wearing billionaire with enough ego to fill Peach's castle and its DLC expansion. He has zero morals and a suspicious fondness for aquatic life.
Okay, so this Philly Morebucks guy lives on a golden airship bigger than Bowser's tax bill and owns a pet... No, not a Chain Chomp, not a Piranha Plant but... a Bluefin Tuna the size of a school bus. Why a Bluefin Tuna? No one knows, those things are expensive! Maybe it just makes him feel more important when he feeds it imported caviar flown in on golden Lakitu drones. Only a Koopa rolling in golden blessings like Philly could even think of keeping one as a pet!
This isn't just any Tuna, mind you. This is THE Tuna. The kind of fish you only see in overpriced sushi bars or the nightmares of environmental activists and what does Philly name this majestic aquatic beast? "Mr. Splishsworth" because nothing says "terrifying corporate tycoon" like naming your thousand-pound, sushi-grade pet fish with a name that sounds like a soggy butler. "Arrr, he's me prized investment, lad!" he'd bark, while stroking his coin-filled treasure chest like a weirdo on a weekday.
But wait, Philly isn't just hoarding endangered fish and sipping Goomba Lattés. No, he's gone full financial Bond villain. His brilliant new plan? Open banks! Yes, actual banks, called "MOREBANKS". Subtle, right? It's like naming your salad bar "MORELETTUCE" or a fast-food place "MOREBURGERS".
He's secretly replacing the Mushroom Kingdom's shiny gold coins with counterfeit ones. Identical in appearance but about as real as Toadette's patience after hearing one more fake news report. I mean, if you can't legally rob people, you just fake the money and call it "economic innovation", right?
Enter Toadette, our fearless and increasingly exasperated heroine; she figures out something fishy is going on (literally) and decided to infiltrate Mr. Morebucks' flying Fort Knox of fiscal doom. She is the Mushroom Kingdom's unpaid hero, fixing everyone's mess.
She sneaked past laser beams, vaults of fake coins and possibly a private orchestra that plays his theme music on loop, until she accidentally triggered a security turret. What happened next will go down in the chronicles of Mushroom Kingdom history as The Great Tuna Tragedy.
You see, the turret was meant to protect Philly's coin reserves but due to a slight wiring error (because obviously, Philly cut corners and hired Goombas as IT instead of qualified engineers), the turret locked on to movement in the tank.
One moment, Mr. Splishsworth was elegantly gliding through water like a symbol of lavish irresponsibility... and the next? BAM. HEADSHOT. Right between the gills. Mr. Splishsworth gets a high-velocity farewell to the face. A bluefin blunder of epic proportions. Toadette screamed, Philly wept and somewhere, a sushi chef felt a spiritual disturbance.
The sound of splashing silence was deafening. Mr. Splishsworth had been de-tuna-ed. Water floods the vault. Fish guts everywhere.
Philly McKoopa Morebucks, who loved money more than a Monty Mole loves digging, collapsed to the floor in slow motion, arms outstretched. "NOOOO! ME SWEET SPLISHYYYYY!!" he wailed. Toadette? She's standing there like, "Uhhh... oops?" as she awkwardly tiptoed backwards and muttered something about insurance not covering "aquatic head trauma" before escaping the scene.
Mr. Splishsworth is officially sushi. Philly's heart breaks harder than a Shy Guy's Wi-Fi connection. The whole airship smells like disappointment... and fish. It was a sad sight, if your idea of sad is a billionaire crying over spilt... well, spilt tuna. However, that unfortunate headless fish was about to make even bigger waves.
Chapter 2: Koopa Broadcasting Network
Next day, Mushroom Kingdom TV sets everywhere blared one headline on repeat: "TOADETTE: FISH KILLER OR KINGDOM THREAT?"
Welcome to the Koopa Broadcasting Network, where truth goes to die and journalism gets stomped harder than a Goomba in 1-1. Behind the desk sits Boom Boom, reading off the prompter with all the enthusiasm of a Snifit on decaf. "We bring breaking news today: beloved Tuna aristocrat Mr. Splishsworth was brutally assassinated in what authorities are calling a premeditated anti-fish assault. Billionaire philanthropist, Philly Morebucks, is in mourning, as KBN investigates the evil lurking in our kingdom".
Cut to dramatic footage of Toadette looking slightly annoyed while walking through a corridor. Freeze-frame. RED CIRCLE. ZOOM. "IS THIS THE FACE OF EVIL?" the caption screams. "TOADETTE UNHINGED! Mushroom Kingdom Menace Murders Tuna in Cold Water! Is she working with Yoshi extremists?"
The camera slowly pans over Philly Morebucks, sobbing into a can of tuna. Ominous music playing. Again, Toadette's photo zoomed in until she looks like a war criminal on a wanted poster. They even aired a "dramatised re-enactment" of the incident featuring a cardboard fish, a hand puppet of Toadette and what looked like ketchup. Totally legit journalism.
A rather serious-looking Koopa Troopa with a lopsided toupee, announced "The tragic, brutal and frankly unnecessary de-heading of a beloved national treasure, Mr. Splishsworth!" A picture of Toadette looking particularly mischievous (probably taken while she was winning a kart race) flashed on screen "is this notorious fiend, Toadette! Sources say she cackled maniacally while committing the dastardly deed!"
They even had "eyewitness" sketches of Toadette looking like a shadowy monster with glowing red eyes and an "expert" Goomba who claimed the tuna's demise could destabilise the entire ecosystem.
Yes, KBN, a towering skyscraper in a bustling Koopa cityscape, filled with whirring machinery, blinking lights and probably a few loose wires, housed the Koopas' top propaganda channel. It had now turned full courtroom drama with Philly's tragic tuna getting more airtime than Peach's last tea party scandal.
Turns out, the real mastermind behind KBN's smear campaign is none other than Iggy Koopa, CEO of the entire network, looking like someone glued springs to a lizard and fed it espresso.
Iggy didn't just control the news, his whole studio was a labyrinth of spinning cameras, laser booms and enough production machinery to make a Bob-omb blush. Toadette, now the target of this ridiculous fake news storm, says "Screw this circus" and storms the building herself. She crashes through the studio doors mid-broadcast.
She dodged sound boom traps, leapt over malfunctioning green screens and elbowed her way past a Lakitu in makeup. Eventually, she reached the control room where Iggy stood atop a rotating director's chair, cackling and adjusting the lighting for his own dramatic monologue while mumbling something about "fish rights" and "more censorship".
"Ah-ha! You've arrived! Just in time for my Emmy-winning finale!" he shouted, before being pelted with a thrown camera lens by Toadette. They brawl right there, on live TV. Ratings spike. Iggy dodged tripods, shouting about free press and throwing microphones like boomerangs but like the brothers before him, Iggy learnt the hard way that when Toadette's fed up, no Koopa is safe.
She dropkicks him off the broadcast desk and into a stack of fake headlines like "Toadette Eats Babies" and "Philly's Tuna Spoke From Beyond the Grave". Toadette grabbed Iggy by the collar, pausing for dramatic effect then whispered "The only thing you're broadcasting now... is failure". The truth was officially back on the air.
With that, Iggy was dragged off in a pixelated disgrace, ready to join Morton (the poisoned seafood guy) and Larry (public transport menace) in the most stylish prison block the Mushroom Kingdom has ever seen, complete with golden bars, overpriced sushi (ironic) and 24-hour reruns of their greatest fails. Seems like that prison is becoming quite the Koopaling family reunion.
Toadette dusted herself off, muttered "Next time, I'm charging a fee" and vanished into the sunset. As for Philly? He's still sobbing into his pile of fake coins, whispering "Splishsworth" into the void.
(Meanwhile... somewhere deep in the shadows... CEO, Roy Koopa, slightly emerges from the darkness with a creepy grin...)
TO BE CONTINUED